Excuses a Single Woman Who Didn’t Get Asked to Be a Bridesmaid Can Use to RSVP No to a Friend’s Wedding

  1. I’ll be in withdrawal from the Handmaid’s Tale finale.
  2. Your younger sister always makes fun of me for not trying coke that one time she offered it to me.
  3. Is your friend Matt coming? One time in middle school I got his AIM screenname confused with yours and accidentally gave him a pep talk about what a valuable person he was, until I called him by your name and we realized what had happened. Not sure I can re-live that.
  4. This might seem overly sensitive, but your wedding is in the middle of the day outdoors, and my eyes get agitated by too much light.
  5. My roommate is out of town that weekend, and I just really love when I have the apartment to myself.
  6. You didn’t invite our middle school band teacher, and if I have to sit at the singles’ table, I can’t do it if Ms. Park isn’t there.
  7. I started drinking a lot of water, so I get up to pee like every half hour and it’s just hard to spend long periods of time out.
  8. I’m going to start volunteering at an animal shelter that weekend.
  9. I’m officiating a dog’s wedding that weekend.
  10. I just got asked to be the dog’s maid of honor.
  11. Frankly it’s just very close to the anniversary of my dog’s death.
  12. A friend I’m trying to be closer with had a baby recently. I don’t want to impose on her, but I really want to meet that baby, so I’m trying to keep weekends open in case she says I can come over.
  13. That’s the first weekend of free yoga in the park.
  14. Fitz & The Tantrums is playing at MSG that night. I don’t have tickets, but I think if I eat at the Ruby Tuesday in midtown I’ll be able to hear them.
  15. I’m trying to say “no” more.
  16. It’s the same day as Amy Brenneman’s birthday, and I’m trying to get a celebrity re-tweet.
  17. What if I get struck by inspiration and finally write my novel?!
  18. I’m renting a boat and keeping one foot in it and one foot on the dock at all times.